“The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.”
William James, Psychologist, Philosopher, Author
OK, we’ve signed up to the new initiative that’s going to change who we are for the better, get us back in touch with the things we love to do and we’re going to feel great as a result of this. But how many times have we done that, been here and felt a sense of déjà vu as things taper off? Our motivation dwindles for one reason or another. Other priorities take over, and that means we make a decision to do those instead of this? It’s a story I see and hear all too often.
We look to change our behaviors, develop new knowledge and skills to improve ourselves, achieve competence and excellence in areas of our lives; personal, professional, hobbies, health and our well-being. However, for us to really achieve excellence, we have to be able to identify our core values and belief systems that underpin our attitudes and in turn, influence our behavior. Of course, any changes we want to see and improvement in performance, comes from us learning the appropriate knowledge and skills to do so. We need to become more competent in the task at hand. However, our attitude will influence and determine whether we actually complete the task or not. If we have a positive attitude we will be more motivated, engaged and have the intention to see it through. Our attitude also shows us who we really are and who we want to be.
Therefore, what are our values and beliefs that underpin all that we do? Do we even know what they are, let alone knowingly live by them? Do they show a true reflection of who we are? And what difference will it really make to know and understand them? The answer in short; yes, a big difference. The degree to which we believe in our pursuit and how much it aligns to the things that are important to us in life, our values, drives us to either pursue things or not, keep going or stop. It drives our behavior and how we are seen. Our values guide how we behave in pursuit of our mission. This matters because we are more likely to feel better and more congruent if we are living according to our values than if we aren’t, whether that be with either the day-to-day decisions or the big life choices.
We are all different though and not everyone’s values are the same. What makes one person happy can make another person frustrated or even angry. Defining your personal values and then living by them can help you to feel more fulfilled. They help make choices that make you happy, even if they don’t make sense to other people. We need to define them for us, based on what is important to us and what makes us happy. Not in the terms of say chocolate, yes which can make some of us happy, and I include myself in that, but more in terms of characteristics or qualities that we can apply day to day to help us achieve what we want.
For instance, independence is something that is very important to me, and it makes me happy knowing that I can stand on my own two feet and not have to rely on anyone else. It feels good when I have demonstrated my independence to achieve something. It might not be meaningful to anyone else, but it means the world to me. It’s no surprise then that independence is one of my core values.
What are your values?
Take some time to really think about this. Brainstorm as many things that come to mind, don’t restrict yourself at this point. As much as what makes us feel good can help us start defining our values, what makes us feel bad can as well. Negative emotions we don’t want to feel also act as a good guide. Once you have a list, look over it and pull out no more than 5. Prioritize the ones that are most important to you. I hear you asking well why no more than 5? Prioritizing and defining your top 5 values helps you to get even closer to what is really important to you. You can then invest your energy in ways that give you the biggest pay off. We only have so much energy to give.
Once you are clear on your values, you can then consciously use them to live your life in the way that makes you happy and can make better decisions for you. What are some of the things you can do that help you live your values more each day? You can set value-driven goals that you are more connected to, that drives your behavior and attitude. It’s easier to make decisions knowing whether it aligns to your values or not.
Now, our values aren’t set in stone and they may shift or change over time, or maybe they are the same, but we prioritize them differently. Therefore, it is key for us to take time to reflect and review what is really important to us and how that shows up for us and being the person we want to be. Remember, our values affect our behaviors and what we do, which will therefore also affect our performance. If you aren’t happy with your performance or output, ask yourself why and whether this aligns to what is really important to you.
Please feel free to reach out with any questions or if you would like further 1:1 support.
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